


Burning With The Fever

by not_sfw



Category: HLVRAI - Fandom, Half-Life, half life but the ai is self aware
Genre: Alternate Universe, Gen, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-24
Updated: 2020-05-27
Packaged: 2021-03-03 05:14:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,279
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24345610
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/not_sfw/pseuds/not_sfw
Summary: It almost felt... wrong, to share what had happened. Absentmindedly, Gordon took a bite of his sandwich. It wasn’t like his gameplay was glitchy, per say, or traumatizing. It was just... different. It felt raw, it felt real.
Relationships: Benrey/Gordon Freeman
Comments: 22
Kudos: 203





	1. Disillusion.

**Author's Note:**

> Title from the song Deleter by Grouplove.

Beads of cold sweat rolled down the back of Gordon’s neck. He was panting, dragging in shallow mouthfuls of air like each one is the last he’ll be able to handle. And maybe each one would be. After all, the situation wasn’t exactly looking the greatest. 

The walls of the bathroom cell felt too pristine. Gordon braced one hand against the yellow, chipping stall to steady himself. It all felt too untouched, too ‘perfect happy ending’. Almost like it was. There was something about the happiness in the room that was almost suffocating. 

“Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck.” He panted, looking at his hand. The edges fuzzed and blurred, cells expanding into pixels expanding until he wasn’t in the bathroom cell anymore, but instead in a desk chair in front of his computer. 

“Goddammit. So much for my immersion.”

Gordon Freeman sighed, unvelcroing the back of the VR headset that eclipsed his vision. He tossed his headset onto the desk and ran one shaking hand through his sweat-dampened hair. He took a long minute to breathe, and to process. When he had heard talk of a new VR game, he hadn’t expected... whatever that was. 

Gordon lifted his right arm and checked his wrist, eyes falling to the watch he knew was there. Barely two hours had passed since he had gone into the simulation, yet he still felt like it had been days, weeks even. And he couldn’t get the characters out of his head. It felt like a puzzle, and he wanted to solve it. 

Of course he would turn his one day off into more work. Typical. Gordon scrubbed one hand over his head in frustration before standing, wincing at the cracks and pops that came with getting older. 

Absentmindedly, he went through the motions of normalcy and typical ‘self care’. To the bathroom, to the kitchen, to the bedroom. But he couldn’t shake the feeling that the game had given him. Gordon grunted as he flopped back into the rolly office chair, using his feet to scoot closer to his computer monitor and placing the plate that housed his dinner- a ham and swiss sandwich, some celery- onto the desk’s surface. After a moment’s hesitation, he navigated himself to the subreddit for the VR game and started scrolling.

He was fascinated by other people’s discoveries and gameplay. But none of it matched his own. Gordon knew, somewhere in his mind, that he should post and ask about his own experiences. But it almost felt... wrong, to share what had happened. Absentmindedly, Gordon took a bite of his sandwich. It wasn’t like his gameplay was glitchy, per say, or traumatizing. It was just... different. It felt raw, it felt real. 

Gordon physically shook his head to banish the thought. He knew going down that path was just a way to spiral. This is why nobody talks to you, Gordon, his inner voice taunts, and he has to agree. He did tend to get a bit obsessive over things. 

And so he resolved to let it pass. He would go to work tomorrow, as normal. Eat lunch alone tomorrow, as normal. Fix idiotic computer problems, as normal. And maybe he would have a soda with lunch, but that wasn’t too far out of the ordinary. 

The following weeks were uneventful. After the first week, Gordon had all but forgotten the game and simulation. It still popped into his mind from time to time, like when he saw a golden retriever being walked through the park, or one time when he walked by two coworkers talking about getting their passports renewed. He tended to absorb conversation like that, by walking past or sitting nearby. He didn’t talk much, but that was normal for him. A chubby loner said his brain. It sounded suspiciously like his mother. 

Gordon was so lost in his thoughts that he was startled when the elevator dinged, making its presence known. It was a Friday, which meant a typical weekend of staying home, scrolling the internet, and ordering take-out. Gordon stepped into the elevator quietly, but jumped when he turned around to press his button and saw a man standing in the corner of the elevator. 

“Going down?” He stammered, trying to recover. But the man in the corner just stood, staring straight ahead. He had tangled shoulder length black hair that almost covered his face and his skin was almost grey. He looked almost monochrome. Something tingled in the back of Gordon’s mind but he shoved it away and shrugged, pressing the button for his basement IT office. 

He stood, watching the numbers tick down as he and the stranger slowly made their descent. It felt awkward but familiar, and it wasn’t as though Gordon was unfamiliar with awkward situations. They reached his basement floor with no interruptions and Gordon hesitated. He knew the other man had to get off on this floor. There was nothing lower. But he wasn’t making a move, and so Gordon mentally sighed and stepped forward. 

A hand snuck out and grabbed at Gordon’s wrist to stop his journey forward, the fingers surprisingly gentle and cold. Gordon startled, mouth dropping open as he looked back at the man. The man still wasn’t looking at him.

“See you around, Gordon.” The man finally spoke and Gordon felt a chill go down his spine. He shook the man’s hand off, taking a shaky step back. How did the stranger know his name?

“Uh, thanks?” Gordon stuttered out, before spinning on his heel and all but running off to his department. He could hear the elevator doors shut behind him, and he knew the man did not get off. Gordon shivered, resolving to take the stairs from now on. 

But still, the man hadn’t necessarily... scared him. Startled, sure. But Gordon was used to the feeling of fear, of a void in his chest sucking in all positivity. And he didn’t feel that around the man, as crazy as it sounded. He felt almost safe. 

Gordon shook his head. If there was anything real that the odd occurrence had shown him, it was that he really needed to schedule another appointment with his therapist.


	2. Discussion.

Try as he might, Gordon just couldn’t get the odd interaction out of his head. It wasn’t even necessarily the strange manner the stranger had acted, or the utterly creepy way he had known Gordon’s name. Instead it was a strange sense of deja vu, like he knew the mysterious monochrome man. Despite his wariness, Gordon couldn’t help his anticipation as the day drew to a close. He knew it was odd, to look forward to riding the elevator. But the whole situation felt like a puzzle and he was desperate to solve it. 

Gordon was the last to least the office, shutting the lights off and shutting the door behind him. He didn’t necessarily hate his job, but it wasn’t his ideal situation. In another life, if he could afford it or was actually good at video games, he thinks he would’ve been a streamer. But as of now, with his long hours and general anti-social personality, he couldn’t see it happening. Gordon tapped his foot on the linoleum as he waited for the elevator, the noise echoing down the dark hall. Finally, the elevator arrived, announcing itself with a small chime. When the doors opened (slowly, creakily; the building was old), the elevator was empty and Gordon felt disappointed. He sighed, stepping in and turning around to press the main floor button. 

A strangled (very manly, not at all shrill) yelp tore itself from Gordon’s throat as his eyes caught on the monochrome man, standing in the hallway behind where Gordon had been waiting. Gordon’s mouth opened and closed, his heart threatening to beat a pattern right out of his ribs, and the man seems to be amused by this as he takes a deliberate step into the elevator, long legs carrying him without sound. 

“Heh, did I scare you?” He spoke, voice almost monotone but tinged with humor. Gordon felt his shoulders untense and he pressed the button for his destination. The doors slid shut, trapping him in with the stranger. 

“I, uh- yeah. You did.” Gordon said, voice wavering with uncertainty. No matter how normal this unusual situation felt, his social anxiety always won. He cleared his throat as the rickety elevator slowly rose floor by floor. “What’s, ah, what’s your name?” He asked, cringing at himself. But the stranger doesn’t seem to be offended by Gordon’s.... Gordon-ness. Instead, he seems to brighten. Literally, Gordon thought. He could’ve sworn the man was wearing greys and blacks before but now it appeared his shirt was blue. Strange. 

There was a brief silence and the man still didn't meet his eyes. Gordon figured it was just a thing with him. He wasn’t offended anyway. “I- Just call me Henry.” He said and Gordon blinked, a small smile slowly curving up the side of his mouth. It sounded right. Idly, the back of Gordon’s brain tingled again, and for a split second he felt like maybe he’s missing something. But the feeling is gone before he can narrow it down. And so he just stuck a slightly sweaty hand out towards the stranger... towards Henry. 

“I’m Gordon. It’s- it’s nice to meet you.” He said, feeling slightly awkward as Henry stared at his palm. He was about to withdraw it when Henry hesitantly stuck a hand out and slowly shook his hand. Gordon mentally laughed at the fleeting thought that maybe this was Henry’s first time shaking someone’s hand. But truthfully, it was slightly endearing. 

He was startled from his reverie by the elevator announcing their arrival at ground level. He could’ve sworn the elevator was usually faster, but it didn’t matter much now. He let go of Henry’s hand, feeling awkward at how lost in thought he had been. Gordon cleared his throat, taking a moment to compose himself before stepping out of the elevator. It was a little past 6, the sky starting to get the orange-ish tinge of dusk. It felt peaceful. He took a few steps and felt Henry mirror his actions to his left. 

“Well I guess I’ll see you around?” He said, laughing nervously. He didn’t quite feel uncomfortable about Henry. He felt... nervous, if anything. He wasn’t used to the feeling of butterflies in his stomach. 

Henry took a moment before Gordon could see his nod from the corner of his eye. Again, Gordon can’t help the soft smile that played on his lips. He turned to speak again, one last parting thought, “Hey, I didn’t quite catch what department you’re i-‘, but Henry is gone. 

Gordon blinked in confusion. He could’ve swore Henry had been right there. But he must’ve been wrong. Shaking it off, Gordon squared his shoulders and started walking out of the building. He couldn’t help but feel disappointed. Hopefully he’d be able to talk to Henry again. 

His night is uneventful, normal by his standards. He made a cup of instant noodles and ate them over the sink to avoid making a mess. The rest of his night was spent watching stupid dog videos on the web. The only abnormal thing about his routine was the thoughts running through his mind. 

And so, it became a routine. Every weekday morning and night, Gordon would wait for the elevator and ride it up and down with Henry. There were a few times that someone else was on the elevator, maybe a suit from finance or one of the peppy, fresh from college HR interns. On those days, he wouldn’t see Henry. But he enjoyed his short conversations with the man. His new routine helped him in other ways too. Gordon found it easier to get out of bed, or to get through his work, when he had something to look forward to.

On one Wednesday about a month later, Gordon had a bad day. The bad days happened far less now than they had before Henry (BH, his mind helpfully labels), but that doesn’t mean they had fully stopped. He boarded the elevator after work with slumped shoulders and stormy thoughts. Henry looked at him with an unreadable expression and, as if sensing Gordon was not going to be starting conversation, started talking without prompting. Henry, seemingly picking a topic from thin air, talked about golden retrievers the entire ride, not seeming to mind that Gordon is silent. And when he got home, he couldn’t get the thought from his head. 

Gordon found himself searching up local rescues. It wouldn’t hurt at all, to have another friend around, even if said friend was furry. The following weekend, Gordon went to look. He was lucky to find a seemingly perfect dog, a long furred golden retriever with a seemingly permanent smile. The nametag on his cage read ‘Pepsi’, but as Gordon signed the clinic’s adoption papers, he couldn’t help but imagine ‘Sunkist’ would be a better name.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “ gordon: you seem familiar whats your name  
> benrey: *internally* oh shit i cant tell him he’ll freak out uhh uhhhhhh hgghghghghhg uh  
> benrey: H.  
> gordon:  
> benrey:  
> gordon: ......are you okay d  
> benrey: Henry “
> 
> -my good friend Aster


	3. Disruption.

“I’m being serious, Henry, he’s the perfect dog!” Gordon bubbled with laughter. He’s leaning against the wall of the elevator, a messenger bag pressed between him and the cold, chrome wall. Henry is standing beside him, silent bar the occasional prompt or comment, but the side of his lips curves up in a faint smirk. Gordon counts it as a win. 

It’s silent for a few seconds and then Gordon is holding out his phone, screen brightened with a picture of Sunkist. Henry looks at the screen but doesn’t take the phone like Gordon intended. He doesn’t think much of it, though. 

“Hmm. I guess he looks okay.” Henry relents, but the air isn’t tense. It’s amicable. The elevator announces its arrival at Gordon’s office and he quickly stows his phone in a pocket. He tosses a quick smile over his shoulder at the quiet man. 

“See you tonight, yeah?” He says and he can see Henry nod slightly before he’s off. The past few weeks had been the happiest Gordon had experienced in years. He almost couldn’t believe it. It didn’t matter that he and Henry never really hung out after work. And he didn’t want to dwell on unimportant things. Gordon still had a smile on his face when he walked into his office. 

“Freeman? What’s got you so happy?” Someone calls and Gordon stops, turning to see three of his coworkers standing around the department’s break room. Automatically, he can feel his smile dim. There was nothing necessarily bad about his coworkers, but Gordon was never one to really talk or work well with others. 

“Oh, I was just talking to a friend. In the elevator?” He replies, hating how the end of his words lilt up in a questioning tone. There wasn’t a verbal response to his words, but he could see the way their eyebrows raised and they shifted when Gordon said ‘friend’. 

“Oh really? What’s his name?” One of his nicer coworkers asks. He doesn’t know her name, but her smile looks soft and genuine. 

“Oh! It’s uh, it’s Henry?” He says, flushing dark on his cheeks. He hand fiddles with the strap of his bag. 

“What department?” One of the other two asks. This one wasn’t as nice, always making terrible jokes and being borderline sexist towards their female coworkers. Gordon feels his eyelid twitch, a minuscule tick, because he knew where this was going. 

“I don’t actually know.” He says, trying to keep his voice light, but he can see the gleam in the other man’s eyes now. 

“Is he actually real?” The man guffaws and Gordon clenches his jaw. The other two aren’t laughing but they don’t try to stop him either. “Making up friends... that’s a new low for you, Gordo!”

Gordon knows better than to respond, and instead he just tightly smiles and turns, walking back to his desk to the soundtrack of stifled giggles behind his back. He knows he should take his coworker’s words with a grain of salt, but he had to admit that they knew exactly where to hit him. He felt a weak pang in his chest that was familiar to him; but not one he’s felt lately. Loneliness. 

Maybe there was a reason Henry didn’t hang out with him after work. He didn’t even have his phone number, after all. Gordon sighs through his nose, sitting down at his work desk and scrubbing a hand over his face. He resolves to deal with it later. He’d ask Henry for his number tonight, come hell or high water. 

But as it turned out, he wouldn’t get a chance to, as Henry wasn’t on the elevator after work. Gordon would be hard pressed to admit that he rode the elevator for ten minutes, hoping to catch a glimpse of his friend. But by the end of the night, he was left alone and slightly dizzy from his trips. 

At least he had Sunkist waiting for him at home. 

It was another three days of no communication and no sightings before he saw Henry again. The work days seemed longer without the reprieve of friendship, but when Gordon stumbled onto the elevator after work, Henry was there waiting for him. 

Gordon was stunned still before he sighed and pressed the button for the main floor. The elevator doors shut and there was not a single noise in the enclosed space beyond the ticking of floor to floor. 

“Where have you been?” He says, voice sounding tired even to his own ears. Out of the corner of his eye, he sees Henry’s shoulder slump. 

“Around. I’m- sorry.” He says, voice subdued. It startled Gordon, who looks at the man. Over the past few months, Henry had gained color; different sweaters and bright t-shirts, a pleasant and lively flush to the apples of his cheeks, dark blue eyes. But when Gordon looks now, all he sees is the monochrome stranger that he’d first met in this elevator. 

“Good god, Henry, are you okay?” Gordon exclaims, anger fleeing in a moment. He’s concerned at how frail the other man looks. Taking a step forwarding, Gordon reaches a hand for his shoulder. 

“Wait, don-“ Henry says, dark eyes widening but it’s too late. Gordon’s hand lands on Henry for a split second, before phasing right through. Gordon stares at his hand, somewhere inside of Henry’s now rapidly transparent chest. Dully he feels part of his mind (the rational part) start to flip shit. But he just stares between the hand and Henry’s scared eyes. It’s uncomfortably silent for about 30 seconds. 

“Great. My only friend is a hallucination.” Gordon deadpans and yanks his hand out of Henry’s chest. It comes back unscatched, but Henry flinches back as though it hurts. Which is ridiculous. Because obviously Gordon is losing his goddamn mind. “My therapist is just going to love this turn of events.”

Henry opens his mouth to speak but nothing comes out. Gordon watches idly as Henry tries to speak, to yell, but silence still swallows them as Henry looks more and more panicked. The hallucination raises a fist and bangs against what is apparently now an invisible box around him. Like a fucking mime, or something Gordon’s brain cells can’t equate anymore. Henry’s translucent body stutters and flickers, and then the hallucination/ghost/fucking eldritch being is gone. 

Gordon feels numb. He knows he should be freaking out and he’s almost certain tonight is going to end with him having a panic attack in his bathtub. But as the elevator arrives at the main floor, all he can do is calmly get out and walk out of the building.


End file.
